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25 Years in the Scene
This definitely falls under ... "It took a while Ma, but I finally did it."
2005 is my 25th year in the (organized) scene. I've been kinky longer than that, and some of my contemporaries with longer seniority are still quite active, but still... it's 25 years.
I'm not going to launch into "good old days" reminiscences. I get many chances to do that at munches with my "Ya know..." and "Years ago..." comments. No, a 25th anniversary calls for something actually ...useful.
Considering that the average 'half-life' of someone coming into the organized scene is two years (details covered in my previous posts if you search your archives), and when community folk with "...4 years in the scene..." are viewed as 'venerable old timers', you get a certain advantageous perspective with 25 years under your belt.
So what to say?
One of the advantages I've had is a chance to witness the truth of some of the cherished maxims of the community ...like not outing people, "what is said/done/seen here stays here", etc.--towit the sense of a community firewall protecting the members from unwanted disclosure to the 'world' (with its potential harmful consequences). So in 25 years, is this a reliable maxim? Have there been breeches of this?
The answers are YES and ...YES. Yes, there have been notable instances when community people have been 'outed' (some with the archetypical 'bad results'), but in 25 years, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number that have occurred. Being an engineer, intimately familiar with the world of statistical significance, and considering the thousands of opportunities that would have qualified, I find that a damn good indication that the 'firewall' is rock solid. (Certainly different from experiences related to "...there's really no bitter contentions amongst SM folk." To count the exceptions to that, not only would I have to use both hands, all my toes, the fingers and toes of my wonderful girlfriend, ...and all the ones in a 100-person orgy that she and I'd be part of. ...Let me dwell on that particular image for a while...)
I've also seen the change in the demographics of SM folk—both in the Bay Area and other large city markets. Yes, years ago there was more of a situation-inspired 'close knitted-ness' of the constituents, but the present-day consumer constituency of the scene, that while they do agglomerate into friendship clusters, do form a looser, perhaps less cohesive, but still highly effective community spirit. The thing is that the 'old ways' of earlier times (that a lot of old timers wax eloquent about--particularly the old timer leather folk) is not a useful model that should govern the entire community. The diversity of 'community views' in fact is healthy—in my opinion. Each segment of the community has its own cultural norms by which to live and thrive, and there is enough of a sense of commonality amongst us that we all can say we're within the BDSM envelope.
Of course here I'm talking about large markets: like the major metropolitan BDSM scenes. When you get to smaller markets (rural areas and lone wolves), you may actually need a more cohesive culture. But even here, there is still enough cross exposure to the larger communities (through the internet and various confeneces) that individuals don't have to feel trapped in what may not work for them.
Possibly one of the biggest and consistent personal benefits for people in the community is the ability to find allies and friends. Wanna be a tough, cigar smoking, leather dyke top on a chopped Harley with a chickie seat? By golly not only will you be able to find others with the same predilection, or at least a simpatico admiration for same, but you’ll also find the chickie to fill the seat. The same goes for service tops, non-sub masochists, ya-da-ya-dah. Folk join the community because of the like-minded (or at least tolerant) others that make you feel your kink is supported and not ‘sick’. This is perhaps the biggest personal benefit, and it’s been that way since the beginning. The only difference is that there were fewer cultural choices ‘back then’ (with—interestingly enough—a wider cultural tolerance within the then extant communities). Nowadays there are well respected members of community that have not seen let alone participated in any same gender scenes. (I started in the ‘back then’ days, so I had a chance to not only see but enjoy such. And I still do to some extent from time to time—even though I’m primarily one way.)
There has also been an almost compulsive drive by BDSM folk, who have been in the scene for a while, to not only seek education in techniques and practices but to share their knowledge with others. Most often than not, many of these classes are quite good, useful, and well presented. And it is interesting that some of the newcomers have some really innovative things to present. I for one always enjoy going to these classes. (I also teach some too, but that’s another story.) I think that sharing innovations as well as tried-and-true techniques can only generally benefit the community.
Now, before we get lured down the primrose path of hugs, peace, love, and brown rice too far, everyone should be aware of the flip side—more commonly known as the “dark side”.
Flame wars! New? Hardly. Even though they’re upsetting to some folk—as perhaps it’s right they should be—they pale in comparison to the pitched, red-in-the-face, bulging neck vein, screamfests we old timers came to know and love. List flame wars with 250 posts dripping with venom, tortured logic, and misunderstandings but flame out in 2 days don’t compare to the face-to-face screamfests of old. There are still community folk that won’t speak to each other 15, 20 years after. And the interesting thing is that the points of contention today are revisits of the same stuff we argued about ‘back then.’ (That’s why my DELETE button has its lettering worn off.) But it does seem to serve a purpose. Every generation needs to thrash out age-old concerns to own their own ‘solution’. Old timers that chip into the fray with “…in my day…” are really largely ignored as ‘voices from the dustbin of history.’ (We do, however, convey the perhaps calming sense that “We’ve dealt with this before…” This is immediately followed by the implied message: “…and we survived.” So keep it up fellow dustbin dwellers. And none of this ‘rolling your eyes to heaven’ you young whippersnappers. Why in MY day…—sorry, I digress.)
Now there were some benefits to all of this contentiousness. Apart from the ‘solution ownership’ I’ve referred to before, I can cite the acrimony that existed in the women’s community ‘back then’. There was a lot of red-in…ya-da-ya-dah, but …BUT it gave the participants a chance to develop and practice their political and arguing skills. Today there is a strong women’s community, and—as one of the side benefits—the National Leather Association (NLA) started as a pan-sexual organization—as opposed to the gay organization it looked like ‘back then’ it was destined to be. This was in direct response to the dykes helping to organize NLA using their freshly honed skills arguing for inclusion of the het community into NLA.
Now that all such rancor is gone… What? It isn’t? Yes, even with reasonable people getting together, there is no guarantee that differences will still be settled reasonably. As in the ‘rest of the world’ (of which we’re a part) there are your “people on a mission from pombu”, nihilists, graduates from the “Atilla the Hun School of Tact”, hidden agenda-ists, and folk who would qualify as “Chaotic Neutral” in a D&D game. But …BUT there have never been (…yet…) any major, ideological schisms within the community nor have there been any “ends of BDSM as we know it.” We seem to be blessed that any potential demigods either never arrive or they flame out quickly. (Too slim on rewards, I guess.) And I think that the present cultural diversity of the communities and perhaps even the consumerist nature of the constituency make it that much harder for a demigod to arise and “take over the world.”
Are we doomed to have intra- and inter- community fights forever? History does show a consistency in this. However …HOWEVER, I have to specifically cite Jay Wiseman (a contemporary with even more seniority than I … think butt ~-ing protozoa rather than T-…—I didn’t say it, Robin). Jay is at least looking at (through his fledgling attempts) in applying conflict resolution technologies that may just help alleviate the long term problem of community fights. Yeah Jay! (Did I mention that he is an old timer, newcomers?).
I contend that, on the whole, there are more long-term good things you get being in the community that far outweigh the long term bad things. And for most folk—even with their consumerist mindset—it isn’t necessary to get wrapped around the axle with the fights to enjoy your being in the community. (After 25 years, that’s why I’m still here.)
Predictions? More thin ice for me? Well, hell, I’ve thrust myself into so many other buzzsaws that this will feel like being scourged with bunny floggers (…without the knots, Z).
For one, a personal one. I fully plan on being here for my 50th anniversary in the scene. (Tremble then with fear cute blond submissives!) It’ll be interesting to see what my reflections will be then. It’s certain that I’ll let you know.
As far as external, conservative threats to the community, well, they’ve always been with us—even ‘back then’. Even though I personally think the present, political ‘rough patch’ is going to be a real bad one, I think our sheer total size plus the cultural diversity of the extant communities will let us survive even a Pat Robertson administration. Remember, every year the fundies petition the major hotels in Chicago not to host the ‘sinful’, and ‘hateful in the sight of gawd’ IML. The hotels look at the 65K+ attendees and say, “Thank you for the share.” (My contemporaries know the coded meaning of that phrase.)
One thing I would like to ask you is, that if there are any of you out there that wind up being in the scene for 20+ years of so, keep staying active, and please be a witness and share your observations with those with less seniority than yourself. Don’t preach! Share!
Good luck all. See you on my 50th.
Unc’
P.S.: I'm going to be celebrating my 25th at the Fandango at the Citadel on Sunday, December 11th. Hope to see my many friends there.
This definitely falls under ... "It took a while Ma, but I finally did it."
2005 is my 25th year in the (organized) scene. I've been kinky longer than that, and some of my contemporaries with longer seniority are still quite active, but still... it's 25 years.
I'm not going to launch into "good old days" reminiscences. I get many chances to do that at munches with my "Ya know..." and "Years ago..." comments. No, a 25th anniversary calls for something actually ...useful.
Considering that the average 'half-life' of someone coming into the organized scene is two years (details covered in my previous posts if you search your archives), and when community folk with "...4 years in the scene..." are viewed as 'venerable old timers', you get a certain advantageous perspective with 25 years under your belt.
So what to say?
One of the advantages I've had is a chance to witness the truth of some of the cherished maxims of the community ...like not outing people, "what is said/done/seen here stays here", etc.--towit the sense of a community firewall protecting the members from unwanted disclosure to the 'world' (with its potential harmful consequences). So in 25 years, is this a reliable maxim? Have there been breeches of this?
The answers are YES and ...YES. Yes, there have been notable instances when community people have been 'outed' (some with the archetypical 'bad results'), but in 25 years, I can count on the fingers of one hand the number that have occurred. Being an engineer, intimately familiar with the world of statistical significance, and considering the thousands of opportunities that would have qualified, I find that a damn good indication that the 'firewall' is rock solid. (Certainly different from experiences related to "...there's really no bitter contentions amongst SM folk." To count the exceptions to that, not only would I have to use both hands, all my toes, the fingers and toes of my wonderful girlfriend, ...and all the ones in a 100-person orgy that she and I'd be part of. ...Let me dwell on that particular image for a while...)
I've also seen the change in the demographics of SM folk—both in the Bay Area and other large city markets. Yes, years ago there was more of a situation-inspired 'close knitted-ness' of the constituents, but the present-day consumer constituency of the scene, that while they do agglomerate into friendship clusters, do form a looser, perhaps less cohesive, but still highly effective community spirit. The thing is that the 'old ways' of earlier times (that a lot of old timers wax eloquent about--particularly the old timer leather folk) is not a useful model that should govern the entire community. The diversity of 'community views' in fact is healthy—in my opinion. Each segment of the community has its own cultural norms by which to live and thrive, and there is enough of a sense of commonality amongst us that we all can say we're within the BDSM envelope.
Of course here I'm talking about large markets: like the major metropolitan BDSM scenes. When you get to smaller markets (rural areas and lone wolves), you may actually need a more cohesive culture. But even here, there is still enough cross exposure to the larger communities (through the internet and various confeneces) that individuals don't have to feel trapped in what may not work for them.
Possibly one of the biggest and consistent personal benefits for people in the community is the ability to find allies and friends. Wanna be a tough, cigar smoking, leather dyke top on a chopped Harley with a chickie seat? By golly not only will you be able to find others with the same predilection, or at least a simpatico admiration for same, but you’ll also find the chickie to fill the seat. The same goes for service tops, non-sub masochists, ya-da-ya-dah. Folk join the community because of the like-minded (or at least tolerant) others that make you feel your kink is supported and not ‘sick’. This is perhaps the biggest personal benefit, and it’s been that way since the beginning. The only difference is that there were fewer cultural choices ‘back then’ (with—interestingly enough—a wider cultural tolerance within the then extant communities). Nowadays there are well respected members of community that have not seen let alone participated in any same gender scenes. (I started in the ‘back then’ days, so I had a chance to not only see but enjoy such. And I still do to some extent from time to time—even though I’m primarily one way.)
There has also been an almost compulsive drive by BDSM folk, who have been in the scene for a while, to not only seek education in techniques and practices but to share their knowledge with others. Most often than not, many of these classes are quite good, useful, and well presented. And it is interesting that some of the newcomers have some really innovative things to present. I for one always enjoy going to these classes. (I also teach some too, but that’s another story.) I think that sharing innovations as well as tried-and-true techniques can only generally benefit the community.
Now, before we get lured down the primrose path of hugs, peace, love, and brown rice too far, everyone should be aware of the flip side—more commonly known as the “dark side”.
Flame wars! New? Hardly. Even though they’re upsetting to some folk—as perhaps it’s right they should be—they pale in comparison to the pitched, red-in-the-face, bulging neck vein, screamfests we old timers came to know and love. List flame wars with 250 posts dripping with venom, tortured logic, and misunderstandings but flame out in 2 days don’t compare to the face-to-face screamfests of old. There are still community folk that won’t speak to each other 15, 20 years after. And the interesting thing is that the points of contention today are revisits of the same stuff we argued about ‘back then.’ (That’s why my DELETE button has its lettering worn off.) But it does seem to serve a purpose. Every generation needs to thrash out age-old concerns to own their own ‘solution’. Old timers that chip into the fray with “…in my day…” are really largely ignored as ‘voices from the dustbin of history.’ (We do, however, convey the perhaps calming sense that “We’ve dealt with this before…” This is immediately followed by the implied message: “…and we survived.” So keep it up fellow dustbin dwellers. And none of this ‘rolling your eyes to heaven’ you young whippersnappers. Why in MY day…—sorry, I digress.)
Now there were some benefits to all of this contentiousness. Apart from the ‘solution ownership’ I’ve referred to before, I can cite the acrimony that existed in the women’s community ‘back then’. There was a lot of red-in…ya-da-ya-dah, but …BUT it gave the participants a chance to develop and practice their political and arguing skills. Today there is a strong women’s community, and—as one of the side benefits—the National Leather Association (NLA) started as a pan-sexual organization—as opposed to the gay organization it looked like ‘back then’ it was destined to be. This was in direct response to the dykes helping to organize NLA using their freshly honed skills arguing for inclusion of the het community into NLA.
Now that all such rancor is gone… What? It isn’t? Yes, even with reasonable people getting together, there is no guarantee that differences will still be settled reasonably. As in the ‘rest of the world’ (of which we’re a part) there are your “people on a mission from pombu”, nihilists, graduates from the “Atilla the Hun School of Tact”, hidden agenda-ists, and folk who would qualify as “Chaotic Neutral” in a D&D game. But …BUT there have never been (…yet…) any major, ideological schisms within the community nor have there been any “ends of BDSM as we know it.” We seem to be blessed that any potential demigods either never arrive or they flame out quickly. (Too slim on rewards, I guess.) And I think that the present cultural diversity of the communities and perhaps even the consumerist nature of the constituency make it that much harder for a demigod to arise and “take over the world.”
Are we doomed to have intra- and inter- community fights forever? History does show a consistency in this. However …HOWEVER, I have to specifically cite Jay Wiseman (a contemporary with even more seniority than I … think butt ~-ing protozoa rather than T-…—I didn’t say it, Robin). Jay is at least looking at (through his fledgling attempts) in applying conflict resolution technologies that may just help alleviate the long term problem of community fights. Yeah Jay! (Did I mention that he is an old timer, newcomers?).
I contend that, on the whole, there are more long-term good things you get being in the community that far outweigh the long term bad things. And for most folk—even with their consumerist mindset—it isn’t necessary to get wrapped around the axle with the fights to enjoy your being in the community. (After 25 years, that’s why I’m still here.)
Predictions? More thin ice for me? Well, hell, I’ve thrust myself into so many other buzzsaws that this will feel like being scourged with bunny floggers (…without the knots, Z).
For one, a personal one. I fully plan on being here for my 50th anniversary in the scene. (Tremble then with fear cute blond submissives!) It’ll be interesting to see what my reflections will be then. It’s certain that I’ll let you know.
As far as external, conservative threats to the community, well, they’ve always been with us—even ‘back then’. Even though I personally think the present, political ‘rough patch’ is going to be a real bad one, I think our sheer total size plus the cultural diversity of the extant communities will let us survive even a Pat Robertson administration. Remember, every year the fundies petition the major hotels in Chicago not to host the ‘sinful’, and ‘hateful in the sight of gawd’ IML. The hotels look at the 65K+ attendees and say, “Thank you for the share.” (My contemporaries know the coded meaning of that phrase.)
One thing I would like to ask you is, that if there are any of you out there that wind up being in the scene for 20+ years of so, keep staying active, and please be a witness and share your observations with those with less seniority than yourself. Don’t preach! Share!
Good luck all. See you on my 50th.
Unc’
P.S.: I'm going to be celebrating my 25th at the Fandango at the Citadel on Sunday, December 11th. Hope to see my many friends there.
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